My head feels like it will explode with everything that is going on inside it
Yesterday, I was too late getting to the doctors to pick up my repeat prescription for antidepressants and sleeping pills. This meant I had to go last night without medication. I was thinking to myself..oh it should not be too bad; just go to bed later than usual and soon fall asleep.
I was wrong!
I decided to watch a movie in bed, and already feeling tired, I thought this would be best, watch the movie, fall asleep (but nope, wasn’t gonna work that way!!) My head was spinning, i was starting to feel nauseous and no matter what I did, I just could not get to sleep. It was around 1 am and I was still tossing and turning, thoughts going through my mind of Emma. I just could not stop my brain from working. Eventually, I must have got a little bit of sleep, because I remember turning round and it was now 4:30 am. But that was it then. I seemed wide awake now.
I actually felt refreshed, those couple of hours I had must have been really good sleep!
But it didn’t last long; by the time I got up for work, I was feeling drained again, the headache was coming back, so was the nausea yet I had to go to work. All day, I have had to put up with this feeling.
So now after last night it has got me thinking. Is all this medication good for me? I have only been off the sleeping pills for just one day and its making me feel so ill.
Am I hooked like a drug addict?
Should I try and go it alone – without the sleeping pills, without the antidepressants?
All I know at the moment is I just want to sleep, I want to sleep so badly. I am so tired, really really tired and still have an hours drive home from work. Even though I am this tired, my brain will not stop thinking about my daughter, about my wife. How could she do this to me. Did I deserve what she has done, will my daughter remember me, will I ever see her again. Why wont my wife let anyone else see my daughter. Why isn’t anyone seeing what is happening and doing something about it.
My head feels like it will explode with everything that is going on inside it. I guess for this reason, I do need the sleeping tablets, because without them, I just cannot sleep. But I don’t want them, I personally think its bad for me, but at the moment, I don’t see any other choice. I am dreading the day I come off them.
I guess I have to admit it… I believe I am now addicted to the sleeping pills.