One minute you are fine, you can be laughing and joking and everyone around you thinks that nothing is wrong, then suddenly its like a Jekyll and Hyde
I slept quite well through Friday night, after the doctor gave me some sleeping tablets. On Saturday I felt a lot better, more alive and managed to play with my son most of the day. We went out to an indoor play area and spent most of the day there.
Saturday night, I didnt sleep as well, woke up around 4am and couldnt get back to sleep.
Last night was even worse, woke up at 3am and even though I was really tired, just could not get back to sleep. Consequently I feel really low again today. Partly because I am so tired, but also because I cant stop thinking about my daughter and wife. I have heard about these “ups and downs” with depression, but never really understood what its all about. However I am now experiencing it first hand, and to be honest, I hate it.
One minute you are fine, you can be laughing and joking and everyone around you thinks that nothing is wrong, then suddenly its like a Jekyll and Hyde, you switch places to something else, someone else. You are wondering why everyone is laughing, how can they be this happy when you are not, don’t they know what I am going through. This makes it worse and you sink lower and lower and just cannot see any way out.
This could last an hour, or a few days. Then you switch back and everything is fine again.
I hate it, I really hate it.