What should I do – the Dilemna is killing me

Today.

Today, I’m having a really bad day; didn’t really sleep last night, even though I had an excellent day with my son. My wife and daughter never crossed my mind at all yesterday, but today; today is completely different. All I can think about is we should be in Jakarta, something inside me is drawing me back to Jakarta. I need to tell her. I need to speak to her, but I know I am not allowed to. This dilemma is killing me. If I send her an email, or sms, or anything else would I go to prison?

Would I be breaking the injunction I have against me?  and all I can think of is what is the right thing to do?

Yet, If the feeling I have about being in Jakarta is correct, and something is going to happen that we should be there for, something we “need” to be there for, should I break the injunction because of what I feel?

I love my wife so much and I do truly respect her wishes but I can’t help thinking that I need to speak to her about this issue. Its tearing me apart.

Should I just go on my own?
Should I buy her a ticket and send it to her Solicitor? (would she take that the wrong way?)
Should I ask my Solicitor, to contact hers?

Are any of these the right thing to do?

I am so confused, so lost, so frustrated and so afraid.

What should I do – the Dilemma is killing me.