My love for her was and is too strong
Yes What is love? This is something I have kept asking myself over the last few months but cannot seem to provide myself with a good enough answer.
You see its been almost 6 months since my wife left with my daughter yet I find myself still having all the same emotions I did in the first few days. Every time I see a photo of my wife I get this sudden rush inside, my heart starts pounding, my legs tingle. But then I find It turns around. My heart feels like its sinking and my whole body goes numb.
How can one person affect anothers internal systems so much. I loved my wife from before we were married and the feelings seem to have only got stronger. Yet there are moments I completely detest her for the way she has treated my family and myself. But these moments only last a short while.
My wife has always reminded me that she is ‘Catholic’ yet when I step back and look at the things she does, nobody would ever believe this is so. Top of the list is one of the most valued Christian beliefs :- Forgiveness;
If someone did something wrong to upset my wife, she never forgot and more importantly never forgave. This caused so many bad moments; awkward moments to which I had to just accept that is who she is. However my wife would never accept me for who I was, always trying to change me. To be honest, this I didn’t mind, because if I could change these things for her I would be more of the person she wanted and would love me more. but if I tried to suggest something that she could change I would get my head bitten off.
My love for her was and is too strong to let little things like that get in between us. I just wish I could say the same for her.
When our daughter was born, I fell in love all over again. My daughter was even more beautiful than my wife but the glow in my wifes face and eyes made my feelings for her double, triple. Two women more beautiful than anything or anyone could imagine. I was truly feeling love.
My daughter was everything I could ever wish for. As she strarted to gain momentum I could see she was going to be a daddys girl. Always wanting to be outside, loved the fresh air and the wind in her face. Even my wife said the same ( to which I could see my wife was a little upset ) as she hated being outside. Yes definitely daddys girl.
But 6 months on…
I often wonder if she remembers me, or her brother. Both of which would normally be playing with her.
So what is love? Well my interpretation is this:
Love is knowing you would give up everything to make a certain person happy. I could never see myself with anyone else. Dewi my wife, I love more than anything in the world and if I have to give her up in order for her to be truly happy; then I guess this is what I should do. I know one day I will be back with my daughter although not sure when that will be. Until then, the tears will keep falling, the memories will brighten my days… But most of all the love for my daughter will keep me going.